


I Can't Help Falling in Love With You

by PilotintheAttic



Category: Original Work
Genre: Fauns, Gen, Heartache, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-10 00:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4370906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PilotintheAttic/pseuds/PilotintheAttic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having an unrequited love really eats you up inside, huh. Baz pining after Dorian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Help Falling in Love With You

It had been about two months since Basil had joined the fauns on their journey. A long, wintery two months, filled with sudden rainstorms and lacklustre campfires, stale bread and weeks of eating nothing but pasta. But at the same time, Basil had never felt so _alive_. Here he was, finally out of that stuffy library, able to run and shout and practice his magic far more energetically than Madam Bast would’ve liked. He and Flora had formed a solid friendship, and he delighted in entertaining the little girl and playing with her, letting her braid his long hair and put flowers in his headband.

But his friendship with Dorian…well. It had taken a while for the faun to warm up to him after their ugly meeting, but now he would greet him with a gentle smile and talk quietly as they travelled. They had become pretty close over the last few weeks, and Dorian even allowed the older boy to touch him (on occasion). Everything was fine.

So why did his heart ache? Basil tugged his blanket closer under his chin and sighed into the cool earth. Dorian was at his back, curled similarly in the opposite direction, with Flora next to him. Basil could feel the warmth from his body through the thin blankets, their backs just inches away from each other. Almost-but-not-quite touching was worse than being miles away at this point, and Basil longed to lean against his friend. It wasn’t fair. He grit his teeth, trying to stop thinking before he upset himself, but to no avail.

He’d fallen for Dorian. He’d admitted it to himself a couple of weeks ago while they sat together on a ferry sipping cold coffee. Dorian’s hair had fallen into his eyes and as he’d reached up to brush it away Basil had felt his stomach flip. He was beautiful. Stupid, beautiful, broody, kind, gentle Dorian. Basil had realised then that the building feelings in his chest weren’t just a passing crush like he’d felt before. This time it was different. He just had to have fallen in love with the most difficult person, of course. Every bone in Basil’s body ached to touch the faun, to hold his hand or let him lean against him, to brush him casually with his tail. But Dorian wouldn’t touch anyone at all. He would only briefly hug Flora, even. As far as Basil was concerned, he existed behind a wall of glass.

And now, curled up on the grass with no light except the faint glow of moonlight and the distant spots of brightness from a town across the fields, Basil felt that glass was thicker than ever. He was practically drowning in his thoughts concerning the boy. He wanted to hold him, to comfort him, to laugh with him and kiss him. He wanted to dry his tears, to listen to him tell his stories, to gently lay him down and—  
No. Not that. Basil bit his lip, angry at himself. He wasn’t about to start fantasising about him, not in that way. Sure, a sexual relationship would be great, but what kind of guy would jerk it to the thought of his best friend? What if Dorian found out? He steered his thoughts away from the idea of his and Dorian’s bodies.

How long had he lain there, in the dark, pining? Dorian and Flora were still deeply asleep, their breaths almost in sync, but Basil was becoming restless. He sighed heavily and sat up, turning his head to look at his companions. His delicate eyes could pick out every detail of their sleeping forms in the night, and his chest tightened as he saw Dorian furrow his brow and grimace in his sleep.

Basil quietly got to his feet and slipped away from the others, walking a few metres down the hill to sit down on his own. He drew his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around himself, staring blankly off into the distance. This guy’ll be the death of me, he thought. It was becoming torture to stick around him, to pretend he wasn’t fighting himself half the time to kiss him. How much longer could he last like this? _What if I have to leave? I don’t want to be on my own again…_

The sound of movement behind him made his ears twitch and he jumped, but forced himself not to turn around. If he was lucky he wouldn’t be spotted; neither of the siblings could see in the dark like he could. It was probably just one of them rolling over in their sleep.

His thoughts were proved wrong, as the sound of delicate footsteps approached him. He forced himself to keep facing forward, but the blur of russet at his side let him know that Dorian had come and sat down next to him. He swallowed hard, hiding half his face behind his arms. Dorian said nothing for the moment, leaning back on his hands and letting the cool breeze ruffle his fur. Eventually he glanced at him a couple of times, and spoke softly. “Can’t sleep?”

“Yeah.” Basil wished his voice didn’t sound so flat. Suddenly he felt like crying. His chest ached and felt heavy. Dorian was right there, again, and yet still behind that stupid glass wall. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” _God, please don’t care about me._

Dorian said nothing for several minutes, gazing up at the stars. Then pensively, as if talking to himself, he murmured, “You’ve been quieter lately. Can I help?”

Basil nearly cried. _No, you fool, you can’t fix this._ He sighed softly. “Nah, it’s okay. You got your own stuff.” He glanced at Dorian, and immediately wished he hadn’t. The faun was watching him, his large eyes clearly showing his concern. Basil buried his face in the crook of his elbow, his long tail drawing closer to his body. He jumped slightly as he felt something on his shoulder – Dorian had put his hand out, very gently, and rested it on the curve of Basil’s upper arm. The faun withdrew after just a few seconds, leaving Basil feeling painfully alone, but his watchful gaze continued.

“It’s okay,” Dorian said quietly. It’s okay if you don’t want to speak, it’s okay if you do. He hooked his arms around his slender legs, withdrawing a little after engaging physical contact.

They sat in silence for what felt like an age, and with every passing second Basil’s chest felt more and more like it was going to burst. He longed to say something. To tell the truth. But what if Dorian hated him? What if he had to leave? Every minute spent fighting with himself he became more distressed, not noticing Dorian stealing worried glances at him. He heard a cricket chirp nearby. He heard his increasingly shallow breathing. He pushed his face harder against his arms as if it would help him disappear. Quietly, like a small child, he gave one shaky inhale and whispered, “I love you.” He tensed as soon as the words left his mouth, hardly daring to breathe and not under any desire to look up and see Dorian’s face. He could hear the faun move, however.

“You mean…” Dorian started, trailing off. “Basil, I.” He coughed awkwardly. “I..can’t.”

Basil flinched, feeling the ripple of tension like an electric shock through his body. He felt as though a hole had been blown through his chest.

“Basil?”

It took all his effort to raise his head, but Basil couldn’t look at Dorian. Not yet. “I’m sorry,” he whispered weakly. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I’m sorry.” The faun rubbed a hand through his hair, exhaling. His breath was quivering. “I’m not…good for you. I can’t reciprocate. I can’t. I can’t trust you. I like you I just – oh hell – I can’t trust people, Baz.” He spoke rapidly and quietly, his eyes darting from Basil to the ground, to the sky, then back to his friend. “I’m sorry.”

To his disappointment, Basil found himself unable to hold back his tears. He rubbed furiously at his face, gasping for air. “I-I should go. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done this—”

“What? No!” Dorian gasped, leaning forward slightly. “Baz, no, don’t leave. It’s not your fault. It’s me, it’s all me – I’m the one who can’t deal. Basil,” a slight tone of despair crept into his voice, “I really care about you, as a friend, I love you and I’ve never had a friend like you. But I can’t..be in a relationship. I can’t touch you. I can’t even touch my own sister, it wouldn’t be fair on you – I can’t hold your hand or hug you or…or sleep with you. I’m not able to.”

“W-wait no we wouldn’t have to do that if you weren’t okay with it,” Basil started. “I’d never—”

“I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone.” Dorian’s voice was heavy. All his energy had left him, and his shoulder slumped. “I’m cursed, I can’t trust anyone. I’m lonely, I want to like you, but I can’t. It would hurt us both.”

Basil tried to smile, though it came out more like a wince. “I never expected anything to come of it,” he said quietly. “It’s not your fault. You don’t like me that way, that’s okay, that’s fine. You don’t have to. I just…” he put his head in his hands. “It hurts so much every day, I want to help you and I want to let you feel safe and good but… I can’t touch you. It just…aches.”

Dorian sighed and laid on his back, looking up once more at the stars, indifferent to their struggle. “If I touch you, I might hurt you. I might kill you.” He looked over at his friend, whose reflective eyes were catching the faint light of dawn. “I told myself years ago, I can’t touch anyone. If I lose Flora, if I lose you, because I can’t control myself again, I just. I don’t know what I’d do. I couldn’t live with myself. I wish I could at least hold her, I wish I could at least lean on you. But what if I…”

“Yeah.” Basil flopped backwards next to Dorian, his hands behind his head. “It’s okay.” They laid in silence for a minute, then he chuckled. “Look at us. A depressed mage and a lovesick idiot.”

“I’m not a mage,” Dorian replied, but he smiled slightly. “You’ll make someone else very happy.”

“Well we’re two almost-mages then,” Basil smirked. “I’ll recover. At least I got it out, you know?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Nah. Don’t be. But hey, Dorian?”

“Mm?”

“When you’re cured, you gotta at least let me give you a damn big hug.”

Dorian chuckled, and rubbed at his face. He hadn’t realised he’d been crying. With a small smile, he brushed his fingers against Basil’s arm kindly. “Promise,” he said gently.


End file.
